Perfect husband for a Russian girl by Anonymous

Lucky for me, when these questions began swarming in my head, a good girlfriend of mine, who has lived in Italy for a number of years, was in town to visit her family. So, instead of digging through piles of statistics and wracking my brain to get the information so interesting for me, I contacted her and loaded her brain with all the questions.

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Before I move on, let me make myself clear: by no means does this article include motives and wants of every Russian bride, who submits her profile to a marriage agency. And I will be the first to encourage the foreigners: try be be as cautious as possible if you decided to apply to a marriage agency. In the past, some Russian ladies from the FSU countries have provided more than enough negative publicity (read my article on scams in Lugansk city, Ukraine), but don’t let that discourage you and miss out on a chance to gift someone the pleasure of communication and a possibility to find love. With that in mind, I proceed

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When I began questioning the motives of Russian women who take a chance on marriage agencies, my first discovery was quite disturbing. One of the main explanations for the FSU women to like foreigners is that men from their native countries… aren’t good enough. There are a lot of bad stories about the life of Russian girls in foreign countries. Why not admit that the reason is in those men at home, who, in my opinion, don’t know what a family is?” – said Natasha commenting on the article in one of the leading Russian papers, which blamed marriages to the foreigners. “Unfortunately, there are a lot of things the ‘Russian’ men would have to do to keep up with the foreigners.” Some bridal agencies will give you the same information. An American journalist, who took a “Romance tour to find a Russian bride” trip to Ukraine as a part of his investigation for a story, says in his on-line journal that the instructor on the tour explained to him: Ukrainian and Russian men “drink, philander, alternately beat and neglect women.”

Obviously, not every FSU man treats women this way. Nevertheless, a general conception that most Russian brides and Ukrainian women share of the men in their home countries comes down to a few common words: irresponsible, hard-hearted, too demanding and not willing to provide for their children, let alone their mother. Throughout history Russian women have been famous for the way they treated their family. They are loving, devoted and caring, and, coming to a marriage agency they dream to find someone like themselves to create a strong happy family.

The other thing noticed by Natasha during her three-year-long marriage to a foreigner: To tell you the truth, marrying him I didn’t think about living in Italy… But for Italians the family is very-very important and they put a great emphasis on the family values. That meant a lot to me. Foreigners in general seem to be more serious about family and children, unlike the men at home.”

In line with a lack of quality of the FSU men, there is also a lack of quantity. The year 2002 gave us a discouraging statistics showing the ratio men-women 46:100, nothing has much changed since then. Given that a large part of these 46% are people who can’t be counted on for love, care and support, it leaves the ladies of Russia and Ukraine very little to chose from. Obviously, when something you need is not in sight, you look to broader horizons.

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“All the good ones have been snatched away long ago, your chances to find someone in this country after you turn 25 are next to nil,” Natasha mused over a cup of coffee (she married her Italian sweetheart at the age of 29). “It seems the guys (in Ukraine) disappear when they turn 30.”

On the top of all said, the appreciation of their own femininity sets the FSU women apart from American or European ladies. A lot of men can see that the FSU women are different. And this is not only about their outer beauty that is so well-known. These ladies like to look pretty, it is not unusual for them to wear a dress and pumps on a regular basis, they care about their body and like to be attractive. Bottom line, they want to be feminine, not feminist.

The FSU women cherish being a “weak gender”, which for them means taking care of their family in the first place, as well as being cared for and appreciated. Promises of that seem to be given in abundance by Americans and Europeans, many of whom share an opinion that it has been too long since Western women have shown any aspiration to cherish the softer side of the “weaker gender”. The men abroad consider the tender feminine side of Russian women a great advantage comparing to Western women mad about careers and getting equal with men. Even some FSU men notice that the foreigners are attracted by “their” women because they “remain women, not some emancipated feminists, like in the West”.

Natasha dreamily remembers her very first visitings Italy: “When I was in Italy I was treated like a princess surrounded with attention, that I missed so much from our men. I think there is so much beauty (in Russia), that our men are simply used to it, it is mundane to them, they forget about simple compliments Italians value beauty.”

After all this, what can I say to the men in search of their destiny? It all comes down to what you are looking for. No doubt, there will be some money-hungry vamps, eager to trap you. If you want to find a woman for one night it is not a problem either in Ukraine or Russia nor anywhere else in the world. But if you are looking for a woman who will respect you, relish her family and be as smart as she is pretty, the chances of you finding that in Ukraine or Russia are greater than at any other place.

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Russian women who chose to become "mail order brides" do it to escape economical misery-MYTH

Most women who decide to look for husbands abroad do it NOT because they want an automatic washing machine and hamburgers. Those things are available to people in their societies also. Truly harsh conditions no longer exist in large cities where the majority of Internet "mail order brides"(there is not really any such thing as a mail order bride) reside. Think about it, some people in your society also live in trailers! The myth about economical misery is as good as your knowledge of those societies.

Over the last decade, the world has changed dramatically and life conditions evolved not only in your country. Since the invention of the World Wide Web, technology has rapidly expanded across the globe. It is only in smaller regional towns that you can find conditions that are typically shown in Hollywood movies about Russia and Asia. As you know, lives in small towns in your country are also different from life in big cities, although the gap in foreign countries may be larger.

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Regarding Russians, in general, Russian people do not consider their life miserable. In fact, they are proud to be Russians!

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Russian people believe that they live in a great country, which might have some problems but overall, it is a great country. Just like you believe you live in a great country too. Russians also have their pride in being citizens of the largest country in the world, stretching over 11 time zones and which nearly twice as big as the second largest country in the world – Canada. The majority of Russian people do not think living in the USA, or Canada, or Australia is such a privilege. People that grew up in Soviet Russia all sincerely believed that they were lucky to be born in the USSR and most of them still do. Families of Russian women married to western men rarely express a desire to immigrate to those countries. They don’t want to leave Russia. They enjoy traveling internationally but they don’t want to emigrate.

It is a myth that Russian women search for a foreign husband to escape economical misery. This is not applicable to the majority of Russian women whose listings you see on the Internet and this was not my personal motivation either (you will read my own story in greater detail later).

Many Russian women seeking marriage abroad have advanced careers and live well even according to western standards, having paid housekeepers and nannies for their children. The conditions of life in a major Russian city such as Moscow or St. Petersburg are comparable to any European capital. Pace of life in Moscow is similar to the one of New York City.

Yes, there are some Russian women that use search for a foreign husband as the means to escape poverty, but they are a minority. Some women in your society also use marriage as means of economical escape. Comparatively, the percentages are virtually the same

The real reason why Russian women turn to seek husbands abroad is that they cannot find suitable marriage partners in Russia. Yes, it is that simple!

You might think that a beautiful, slender, physically fit, educated and intelligent woman cannot really have problems with male admirers and you would be right: attractive women in Russia do have dating offers from Russian men. But those men are seeking only casual sex. They are either already married, or unwilling to commit, or they are not worthy of marrying because they cannot provide for a family.

Since all Russian women want children in their marriages (unless they are physically unable), thats part of the culture; they seek men who will be able to support their family while she is unable to work while caring for the child or children. Most Russian women take full time care of their children up to the age of 3. This tradition was inherited from the Soviet times when their work position was preserved for 3 years after child birth, with fully paid maternity leave for 18 months and unpaid leave for another 18 months. Nowadays they do not pay the maternity leave but women believe it is right to stay at home with your baby when she is small and seek men who are able to provide for their families.

Russian people marry early and by the age of 22 more than 50% of people are already married. By the age of 25 about 80% of people are married. Since there are less men than women in Russia (10 million more women than men, according to the latest census), and even less men who are worthy, the competition for eligible men is extremely harsh. As a result, the men become spoiled and promiscuous.

It might be hard to believe but a normal man who has a stable job (being able to solely provide for his family), is career and health conscious, and willing to commit, seems like a fairy tale prince to a single Russian woman. Guys like this are scarce in Russia and not available for long.

In contrast, good-looking women are in abundance in Russia, since the tough competition drives women to perfect their looks.

Historically, during the 20th century Russia had many wars, with World War II alone taking 20 million lives and another 20 million of people died in Stalins concentration camps. Nearly 90% of those victims were men. After the war, simply having a man was a blessing. Then there was the 14-year Afghanistan conflict in which hundreds of thousands of young Russian men died. Throughout the entire 20th century Russian women had to compete to ensure they had a husband.

Now they’ve got Chechnya – since 1993, just a few years after Russian troops left Afghanistan.

It is scientifically proven that where there are many more women in society than men, men tend to pursue short-term sexual strategies and are unwilling to commit. Along with other cultural moments, such as traditions of hard drinking and male chauvinism in Russia, it is no wonder that contemporary Russian women seize the opportunities offered by modern technologies and elect to broaden their horizons in their search for a suitable mate.

Russian women their mentality and uniqueness

When people mention a word woman they usually mean something like mother – someone careful, loving, warm and tender. And it’s considered to be a worldwide stereotype, but unfortunately, it’s not. Western men (Americans, Canadians and Europeans) tell sad stories about their local women: it’s a common knowledge that the feminism changed western ladies greatly they became chilly and business-oriented, when Russian and Ukrainian girls still have their love and warmth.

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Many men are still assumed to know that there is such a difference in attitude and mentality. In spite of the fact that every person is unique, there are certain common features of character that make Ukrainian and Russian brides the most sensitive, feminine and unique in their traits and perception of the world.

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The most famous Russian and Ukrainian poets and writers devoted their works to the exceptional qualities of the FSU ladies. One of the poems devoted to Russian women calls them queenly, containing beautiful force and remaining ever beautiful despite the difficulties of life; it glorifies the ability of these women to work hard as much as their beauty. A famous quote from this literary piece says that if need be, a Russian woman will “stop a running horse, enter a burning building.” And indeed, all these stories are true.

Historically, Russian women have been set apart long ago. Since the ancient days they have been known for their hard work right alongside with men. During disasters women held families and communities together. Difficulties don’t scare them. Instead, challenges strengthen women’s character. They have also been culturally very protective and caring for their families and become great wives and nurturing mothers. Precisely because of these qualities Russian hostesses are known to be some of the most hospitable in the world. This landlady will welcome you and feed you as if you have not had food for months, and it will all be delicious too!

Communism also influenced on the mentality of Russian women (especially of older generations). Ladies, who were raised under communism, were brought up with values of self-dedication, responsibility and giving away to the society, along with strong family values. And such mindset is still very strong in many of them. Not in the political sense, but in the fact of being very giving, sometimes to their own detriment. Helping someone else is much more important than their own well-being. And when they are doing something, the key is responsibility. Of course, such values are transferred to their children, and younger women also gain such warmth, sincerity and dedication from their mothers.

Russian men take women and their efforts for granted. They expect women to cater to all their needs. Most men here do not know how to treat women and, therefore, treat them poorly; such attitude leaves no room for romance. It is typical for most women to work from 8 to 5, come home, cook dinner, help kids with their homework, clean the house and manage all these things on a regular basis without any help from the men’s side in the regular 24 hour day, 7 days a week!!!

Since Russia, Ukraine and other FSU countries have been open to foreign influences, women have a chance to know a different attitude towards them. Many stories of our women happily living abroad have been told over and over again. Most women have a friend or a friend of a friend who is living abroad and is happy with a change in attitude from men and style of life. And once the women had a chance to see something different, compare and realize that indeed they like, want and deserve such things as romance, care and love, many of them do not want to settle for anything less. The attitude from men at home gives Russian women an opportunity to really appreciate foreign men, who treat them as ladies. Attitude of men from home also makes Russian women such that they don’t always trust easily. But once they do, the gratitude of Russian women to you for being a reliable partner, who treats them with love, will have no boundaries: they will appreciate you, they will pamper you and give you all their love and emotions stored inside.

So, don’t think Russian brides are too good to be true! They are real and they are incredible, and they are looking for someone who will treasure and cherish them. Give them a chance and you just might find the lady you have been missing in your life.